This month has been both good and bad for me. Good That I am finishing off my goals for this month. Bad because I’m trying to release this toxic relationship with my daughter’s father. I have tried to talk to him about Us separating and co parent, but he will just change the subject. One time I tried to not talk to him by not answering my phone and he gave me so much drama , I cried for two weeks. He said he wasn’t ready to let me go yet. The next day he talked to me like it never happened. I’ve allowed my self to try by working on things about myself try to change myself but it’s not working, I gave this relationship 15years of my life. I will be 35 in November And I’m tired. I don’t want to be in this relationship no more. The easiest thing is to say it , But the hardest thing is it happening without drama. I just want to co parent in peace. Live the life I really want, and be happy in all areas. I love him but I just want to have peaceful breakup.
The first time I told him I want to breakup all of a sudden he became so mean to me and started to act all petty by using my daughter to get what he want from me. But before… he would always talk nice to me and give me all kinds of conversation etc. He switched up so quickly, had me questioning which is the real him. ?
He says That I don’t never give him a chance to finish what he’s saying when we are talking. So I stopped interrupting and allow him to talk. I’ll just sit in silence untill he finishes. Now this man loves the sound of his voice. So when he talks it’s going to be very long. Anyway once he’s finished he will say okay I’m finished and ask me why I’m so quiet, I’ll be giggle which he hates and then say : well you were Talking darling.. And I didn’t want to interrupt. Then he would say: i thought we were talking? … I will giggle again and say: yes but you said that my problem is interruption so I’m practicing being silent while you are telling your story. And he would get mad at that , then I would say why are you raising your voice.. Him: I’m not raising my voice. Me: then what’s the problem? This would be the type of conversation everyday. I not prefect but I try everyday to change to make him feel comfortable. To me the problem is when I decided to stand up from my self and say NO… Once I started to say no to him about things I don’t want to do. Is then when he want to say I’m The problem. And if i agree and try working on it, he will say it’s not you it’s me. Back and forth that would go.
But I’m done with this crazy relationship. If he want to make me out to be the bad guy I will take it and leave and live the life I should’ve had. I told him I will not keep you from your daughter, you can see her whenever you have time. I don’t have nothing against him, I just want some peace in my life.
Dealing with him I lost my Friends and My family because he is a older man. When we meet I was 22yrs and he was 44yrs. I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out. People say age don’t matter, but it really do sometimes. And I think that I am out growing him and he know this, That’s probably why he’s holding on so tight.
I am growing up becoming more brave, Now I just want to be Free.